Robina’s Blog

11 October, 2019

Everything changes, we know that. There’s nothing that begins that doesn’t end. But why is change often so painful? According to the Buddha it’s because we have so much attachment for things to be the way we want them, we can’t stand it when things turn out differently.

Look at how we are with relationships. We fall in love and believe with absolute certainty that it’s forever. “We will be together until we eighty!”

Of course, there’s nothing wrong with aiming to be together until we die, of thinking long-term: that’s good, that’s commitment.

But we make the mistake of thinking that because we want something to last, it will last. It even appears that way to us. Because everything is good today, we just assume that it’ll be that way tomorrow. We totally take it for granted.

And then what happens when the bubble bursts and our partner leaves us? We’re shattered. We live in denial. We can’t believe it.

And now we think this will be forever, this pain will never end. We can’t see the light at the end of the tunnel and we fall into despair.

Both these views are not reality. So what’s an appropriate way to see things? How to factor in the logic of impermanence, that everything changes moment by moment, that things aren’t set in stone?

We might go to the other extreme and then think, “Oh well, if things are impermanent and he could leave me any day, why bother committing to a relationship? What’s the point? This is also inappropriate.

When we go on a holiday for two weeks to some lovely place, let’s say, the fact is we know it’s impermanent. But we don’t say, “Oh well, if it’s impermanent and it’ll only last for two weeks, why bother going!” No!

In fact, because it’s impermanent, because it’s only for two weeks, we’ll enjoy it all the more, we won’t waste a moment, we’ll appreciate it, we won’t take it for granted. And then at the end of the holiday, we’ll let it go with a happy mind.

That’s the way to live life. It is impermanent, changing every moment. Being awake to this fact, we won’t waste our life, we’ll make the most of it, we’ll move with the changes, welcoming them, not being afraid of them.

Change is a fact. It’s not wrong. It’s just how things are. Buddha’s key point about happiness and suffering is that they’re dependent mainly on our mind, our attitude, our being sync with reality, with how things are.

It cuts fear, we become courageous, we welcome change and can use to grow ourselves, to make the most of our lives.