QUESTION
Dearest Venerable Robina:
I already have a son in his 20s, but I decided I wanted to adopt another child because I unfortunately was never able to have more of my own. It is very difficult to adopt in my country, but I went through a screening process and was approved.
I was given the opportunity to adopt a child with special needs and I said yes. Multiple families had turned her down for adoption and if I did not say yes she would grow up in an orphanage.
Anyway, I have a question related to my practice: I know it is a matter of prioritizing, and even though I am starting to get into a rhythm with my new daughter, and my son who’s 20 and who’s also special needs, I have little time for my practice. And I don’t have much of an altar: should I?
But slowly a routine started to form that enables me to get up before everyone else and do some shamatha in the morning and a quick Vajrasattva (guided from YouTube) in the evening.
I play mantras for my daughter while we eat breakfast in the hopes of helping her overcome her fears and to steady her.
I feel however that I need to do more, as well as find a way to be more patient and more compassionate – I am not always patient.
I hope you might have some advice.
I do hope this email finds you well and dedicate my practice to you and wishes for your well-being.
Much love
N
ANSWER
Dearest N,
I’m delighted to hear from you!
As for your practice, the fact is your new job of being a mother to a special needs child is a pretty incredible practice. I’m amazed that you took it on. And I’m very impressed by your courage and your compassion. How fortunate she is to have you!
And wonderful that you play mantras for her to hear: such a blessing. Send me a photo of her and you.
Yes, it’s good to have a place where you put a Buddha image and then an offering, some flowers perhaps. That will do for an altar — don’t worry about anything else. It’s a nice focus point, that’s all: it reminds you.
In the morning take Refuge and do your meditation, that’s enough. And the night is perfect: the purification practice.
Your day is your practice, that is for sure!
Much love to you,
Robina
QUESTION
Dear Venerable Robina
Thank you for your last response, it has helped me a lot.
My daughter is doing a lot better. When I first adopted her she did few things other than scream or throw things. One day while she was crying and screaming and I was holding her I had run out of things I knew to do.
So I started reciting Om mani peme hum and she immediately calmed and has since asked for me to say it several times. Most of the things that made other families decline to adopt her disappeared in the year she has been with me.
She is a sweet and caring child and she is trusting and loving. She has recently asked for a Buddha figure of her own and since she is very interested in light I have given her one that lights up.
I hope you are well and happy.
Much love
N
ANSWER
Dear N,
So glad to hear from you. And good to see the photo of you and your daughter.
The fact that she has calmed down since the mantras: that’s pretty incredible. And her interest in the Buddha is evident: it shows she must have a strong connection with the Dharma, so it is fortunate that she has come to you.
Keep moving, N, you are doing so beautifully!
Much love,
Robina