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“There’s this disconnect between how things are and how we perceive things." — Ven. Robina

“We’re not suffering because our cup broke, we’re suffering because we thought it shouldn’t." — Ven. Robina

“Given that Buddha’s views are from his own direct experience, from his own observation — they not coming from on high, they’re not speculation, he didn’t make them up — he’s more like Einstein than Jesus." — Ven. Robina

“Everything we think and then do and say is the very process that produces who we become." — Ven. Robina

“The root of the problem is our powerful misconception of an intrinsic me." — Ven. Robina

“So why do you get angry? Because attachment didn’t get what it wanted." — Ven. Robina

“Attachment is a junkie that assumes that I only ever deserve the good things." — Ven. Robina

“If you look in your garden and you see a weed, you would never say “Who put a weed in my garden? I don’t deserve it!” Who planted the seeds? Who planted the weeds? Who planted the flowers? I did." — Ven. Robina

“Our life is our garden. Whatever’s in it, we put it there." — Ven. Robina

“Without understanding karma first, we can’t have proper compassion for others." — Ven. Robina

“We must have compassion for the harmers in this life, because they’ve caused themselves terrible future suffering." — Ven. Robina

“We have the power to look into our own minds, to recognize what harms us and, with enormous self respect, we can learn to change, we can learn to get rid of the neuroses. This is all Buddha is saying.” — Ven. Robina

“From Buddha’s point of view, we should be weeping in delight every day at how fortunate we are, having such an extraordinarily fortunate life, which we ourselves created by our own past actions.” — Ven. Robina

“Every microsecond of everything that goes on in our mind, and the things we do on the basis of those thoughts with our body and speech, this is the karmic process.” — Ven. Robina

“Buddha's expertise is the mind: he has a profound and extensive explanation what the mind is, how it functions and how, crucially, we can transform it.” — Ven. Robina

“Happiness is the mind that is free from attachment and the other neuroses: clear, blissful, happy and stable.” — Ven. Robina

“The main cause of my happiness, the main cause of my suffering, is in my mind.” — Ven. Robina

“Don't point to some external thing and call it samsara; point to your own mind, your own body.” — Lama Zopa Rinpoche

“If no anger, then no enemy.” — Lama Zopa Rinpoche

“You are the creator of yourself, honey – that’s what Buddha says.” — Ven. Robina

“We've got to distinguish facts from fiction. And when you're a buddha, you've finally got all the facts down.” — Ven. Robina

“Anger, anxiety, depression and fear break our hearts – and all Buddha is saying is: yes, sweetheart, you can change it.” — Ven. Robina

“We accept we come fully programmed into this life, but we think the programming comes from mother and father. It doesn’t, Buddha says. Our tendencies come from previous moments of that very mind itself, which is not physical and not from any external condition.” — Ven. Robina

“The mind, for the Buddha, is where things happen. The mind is where the workshop is: it’s the source of suffering and the source of happiness.” — Ven. Robina

“Any happiness you feel comes from your own mind. It is all manufactured by your own inner factory.” — Lama Zopa Rinpoche

“Human beings have great potential; they can do anything. The power of the mind is incredible, limitless.” — Lama Thubten Yeshe

“Positive states of mind are natural to us. They are at the core of our being. They are what define our mind. They are what we really are.” — Ven. Robina

“When your only purpose for living is the benefit of others, it is very easy to make the right decision. It is easy because you are very clear about why you are alive." — Lama Zopa Rinpoche

“Not believing in the way things appear to us: you can't get more radical than that.” — Ven. Robina

“There’s a big difference between being able to explain religion intellectually and transforming that knowledge into spiritual experience.” — Lama Thubten Yeshe

“Buddhism is not just about one or two small things; it is not some tiny philosophy. Lord Buddha explained the nature of every single phenomenon in the universe.” — Lama Thubten Yeshe

“Without understanding, belief can be very dangerous. So what Lord Buddha emphasized was that understanding is the path to liberation, knowledge is the path to liberation.” — Lama Thubten Yeshe

“The main cause of my happiness, the main cause of my suffering, is in my mind.” — Ven. Robina

“Love is wanting another person to be happy, a delight in their happiness. Love has no strings.” — Ven. Robina

“I hope that you understand what the word 'spiritual' really means. It means to search for – to investigate – the true nature of the mind. There's nothing spiritual outside. My rosary isn't spiritual; my robes aren't spiritual. Spiritual means the mind and spiritual people are those who seek its nature.” — Lama Thubten Yeshe

“And also, to study Buddhism you don't need to believe in something extreme. It's a matter of investigating, examining and experimenting on yourself. It's not just belief.” — Lama Thubten Yeshe

“We have the power to look into our own minds, to recognize what harms us, and out of enormous self respect, we can learn to change the poison; we can learn to get rid of the neuroses. This is all Buddha is saying.” — Ven. Robina

“Every microsecond of whatever goes on in our mind, and the things we do and say on the basis of those thoughts: this is the karmic process.” — Ven. Robina

“We think happiness is what we get when attachment gets what it wants. No. Buddha says happiness is what we get when we give up attachment.” — Ven. Robina

“Positive states of mind are natural to us. They are at the core of our being. They are what define our mind. They are what we really are.” — Ven. Robina

“Not believing in the way things appear to us: you can't get more radical than that.” — Ven. Robina

“The main cause of my happiness, the main cause of my suffering, is in my mind.” — Ven. Robina

What Buddha is saying is that we have this incredible potential, if we have the courage to look inside.” — Ven. Robina

“Happiness is the mind that is free from junk: clear, blissful, happy and stable.” — Ven. Robina

“Buddha's expertise is the mind. And he has a profound, deep, extensive explanation and view of what the mind is.” — Ven. Robina

“We accept we come fully programmed into this life, but we think the programming comes from mother and father. It doesn’t, Buddha says. Tendencies in the mind come from previous moments of that very mind itself, which is not physical, and not from any external condition.” — Ven. Robina

RobinaCourtin.com

“There’s this disconnect between how things are and how we perceive things." — Ven. Robina

“We’re not suffering because our cup broke, we’re suffering because we thought it shouldn’t." — Ven. Robina

“Given that Buddha’s views are from his own direct experience, from his own observation — they not coming from on high, they’re not speculation, he didn’t make them up — he’s more like Einstein than Jesus." — Ven. Robina

“Everything we think and then do and say is the very process that produces who we become." — Ven. Robina

“The root of the problem is our powerful misconception of an intrinsic me." — Ven. Robina

“So why do you get angry? Because attachment didn’t get what it wanted." — Ven. Robina

“Attachment is a junkie that assumes that I only ever deserve the good things." — Ven. Robina

“If you look in your garden and you see a weed, you would never say “Who put a weed in my garden? I don’t deserve it!” Who planted the seeds? Who planted the weeds? Who planted the flowers? I did." — Ven. Robina

“Our life is our garden. Whatever’s in it, we put it there." — Ven. Robina

“Without understanding karma first, we can’t have proper compassion for others." — Ven. Robina

“We must have compassion for the harmers in this life, because they’ve caused themselves terrible future suffering." — Ven. Robina

“We have the power to look into our own minds, to recognize what harms us and, with enormous self respect, we can learn to change, we can learn to get rid of the neuroses. This is all Buddha is saying.” — Ven. Robina

“From Buddha’s point of view, we should be weeping in delight every day at how fortunate we are, having such an extraordinarily fortunate life, which we ourselves created by our own past actions.” — Ven. Robina

“Every microsecond of everything that goes on in our mind, and the things we do on the basis of those thoughts with our body and speech, this is the karmic process.” — Ven. Robina

“Buddha's expertise is the mind: he has a profound and extensive explanation what the mind is, how it functions and how, crucially, we can transform it.” — Ven. Robina

“Happiness is the mind that is free from attachment and the other neuroses: clear, blissful, happy and stable.” — Ven. Robina

“The main cause of my happiness, the main cause of my suffering, is in my mind.” — Ven. Robina

“Don't point to some external thing and call it samsara; point to your own mind, your own body.” — Lama Zopa Rinpoche

“If no anger, then no enemy.” — Lama Zopa Rinpoche

“You are the creator of yourself, honey – that’s what Buddha says.” — Ven. Robina

“We've got to distinguish facts from fiction. And when you're a buddha, you've finally got all the facts down.” — Ven. Robina

“Anger, anxiety, depression and fear break our hearts – and all Buddha is saying is: yes, sweetheart, you can change it.” — Ven. Robina

“We accept we come fully programmed into this life, but we think the programming comes from mother and father. It doesn’t, Buddha says. Our tendencies come from previous moments of that very mind itself, which is not physical and not from any external condition.” — Ven. Robina

“The mind, for the Buddha, is where things happen. The mind is where the workshop is: it’s the source of suffering and the source of happiness.” — Ven. Robina

“Any happiness you feel comes from your own mind. It is all manufactured by your own inner factory.” — Lama Zopa Rinpoche

“Human beings have great potential; they can do anything. The power of the mind is incredible, limitless.” — Lama Thubten Yeshe

“Positive states of mind are natural to us. They are at the core of our being. They are what define our mind. They are what we really are.” — Ven. Robina

“When your only purpose for living is the benefit of others, it is very easy to make the right decision. It is easy because you are very clear about why you are alive." — Lama Zopa Rinpoche

“Not believing in the way things appear to us: you can't get more radical than that.” — Ven. Robina

“There’s a big difference between being able to explain religion intellectually and transforming that knowledge into spiritual experience.” — Lama Thubten Yeshe

“Buddhism is not just about one or two small things; it is not some tiny philosophy. Lord Buddha explained the nature of every single phenomenon in the universe.” — Lama Thubten Yeshe

“Without understanding, belief can be very dangerous. So what Lord Buddha emphasized was that understanding is the path to liberation, knowledge is the path to liberation.” — Lama Thubten Yeshe

“The main cause of my happiness, the main cause of my suffering, is in my mind.” — Ven. Robina

“Love is wanting another person to be happy, a delight in their happiness. Love has no strings.” — Ven. Robina

“I hope that you understand what the word 'spiritual' really means. It means to search for – to investigate – the true nature of the mind. There's nothing spiritual outside. My rosary isn't spiritual; my robes aren't spiritual. Spiritual means the mind and spiritual people are those who seek its nature.” — Lama Thubten Yeshe

“And also, to study Buddhism you don't need to believe in something extreme. It's a matter of investigating, examining and experimenting on yourself. It's not just belief.” — Lama Thubten Yeshe

“We have the power to look into our own minds, to recognize what harms us, and out of enormous self respect, we can learn to change the poison; we can learn to get rid of the neuroses. This is all Buddha is saying.” — Ven. Robina

“Every microsecond of whatever goes on in our mind, and the things we do and say on the basis of those thoughts: this is the karmic process.” — Ven. Robina

“We think happiness is what we get when attachment gets what it wants. No. Buddha says happiness is what we get when we give up attachment.” — Ven. Robina

“Positive states of mind are natural to us. They are at the core of our being. They are what define our mind. They are what we really are.” — Ven. Robina

“Not believing in the way things appear to us: you can't get more radical than that.” — Ven. Robina

“The main cause of my happiness, the main cause of my suffering, is in my mind.” — Ven. Robina

What Buddha is saying is that we have this incredible potential, if we have the courage to look inside.” — Ven. Robina

“Happiness is the mind that is free from junk: clear, blissful, happy and stable.” — Ven. Robina

“Buddha's expertise is the mind. And he has a profound, deep, extensive explanation and view of what the mind is.” — Ven. Robina

“We accept we come fully programmed into this life, but we think the programming comes from mother and father. It doesn’t, Buddha says. Tendencies in the mind come from previous moments of that very mind itself, which is not physical, and not from any external condition.” — Ven. Robina

Q & A With Robina

Each week Ven. Robina answers questions from people around the world.

Why do I suffer so much when people don’t respond nicely?

Mar 8, 2021

 

QUESTION

 

Dearest Venerable Robina,

 

Thank you for your kind offering to discuss with me via e-mail! Again you touched me deep inside! A heartful thank you!

 

It is never easy, but sometimes unbearable for me to see the people are like seeking suffering when I give them only friendly behaviour.

 

Give a passing neighbour or a colleague a smile and they want your body and your heart. You talk straight and clear, your words get ignored. Or I offer a tea to someone, the person is enjoying it and the next minute is shouting at me!

 

Is all this too much thinking? 

 

Thank you very much for your advice! I will do practice little by little. And I try to stay just busy and relaxed.

 

With love

A

 

ANSWER

 

Dear A,

 

I am happy to hear from you.

 

You understand your mind, and that is good. But too much thinking? Possible! We can interpret things in so many ways, and we can it all so complicated.

 

We understand that what people think of us isn’t the reality of who we are. But our emotional hunger, since we are born, to be seen and heard and appreciated and validated by others is primordially deep! 

 

Basically, this is one of the main reasons we suffer, A! But it’s so hard to see.

 

On the hand you are so kind, so compassionate, you reach out to others, you help others. This is wonderful! Keep doing this.

 

But we don’t see is that our hunger, our attachment, our need for the other person to accept our kindness, to be grateful for it, to love us back. 

 

And it simply doesn’t happen like that always, does it? So, what do we? We assume that their rejection is a reflection of us.

 

But it’s not!

 

Be kind, be loving, A, but we need to learn to stop craving the friendly response from the other.

 

This is tough, difficult! But the more we get in touch with our own reality, work on our minds, see this craving and attachment — so so so deep! — and gradually lessen it (that’s the essence of Buddhist practice at its heart), the more content, fulfilled, joyful, happy we will become.

 

What do you think?

 

Much love, 

Robina

 

QUESTION

 

Dearest Venerable Robina,

 

Thank you very much for your warm and direct words! And especially for the kind how you expressed it! It is much more easy for me to read, check and accept, what you said, to hear you talking from “we”. It helped me be not so vulnerable and I could watch closer and see it as a hint again than realize that you are totally right!

 

I really had to read the straight words from you about “craving the friendly response from the other” to confess to myself that I suffer and that this is the reason for it. Not outside. In my perspective.

 

Thank you very much for putting it this empathic way – hearable and understandable for me!

 

Thank you also for your patience in telling me this from the beginning – until I finally get it.

 

With much gratitude and love for you,

A

 

ANSWER

Good, A!

 

Go one step at a time!

 

Much love,

Robina

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