QUESTION
Dear Venerable Robina
I’d like to ask you a question about an out-of-control emotional response that I am struggling with.
Here’s the situation. My old dog died recently; now I’m experiencing feelings of overwhelming loss and sadness.
I followed the guidance in Rinpoche’s How to Face Death without Fear in her last days and after her death. She was widely loved and very old so I expected to feel sad but …
I have been taken aback by the almost incapacitating grief, sadness, loneliness and fear that I’ve felt since then. It’s like some well of emotion has been untapped by losing her. This seems way out of proportion to the apparent cause. What’s going on?
I don’t want to treat you like an agony aunt but I would dearly welcome your Dharma advice on this and any guidance as to what would be a useful response.
Best regards,
C
ANSWER
Dearest C,
So so glad for your darling dog: you helped her into the next life: totally perfect.
This overwhelming sadness: sounds like a whole lot of emotion packed deep down in there, doesn’t it? A deep well that’s rising to the surface. Your dog’s death is the trigger, the catalyst to release it all, I’d say.
And I also think that because you’re practicing sincerely, and that means practicing giving up attachment, then this is a sign of purification – so be glad it’s happening!
And remember there’s M, who’s also dying. When we’re practicing giving up attachment and the rest, we’re very vulnerable.
But don’t allow it to become self-pity: that’s important.
And don’t forget to keep doing prayers for your darling dog.
I think it’s good, C!
What do you think?
Much love,
Robina
QUESTION
Dearest Venerable,
Thank you for your kind response to my email.
YESSS! Purification of course! That makes total sense. With this in mind I can see how to add it to the path and, like you say, be glad while watching this mind unfold. Thank you.
Using Rinpoche’s book, I’m saying the prayers at home, plus I’m having prayers done at Kopan; and she is on the nuns’ list – so I’ve got the professionals on the job!
I agree that it’s also because of thinking about M.
Biggest thanks,
C
ANSWER
And remember — this is the main learning from your dog, from M — “This will happen to me.” It’ll galvanize you into action to not waste your life.
Much love,
Robina