QUESTION
Dear Venerable Robina
I am writing because I want to talk to you about where I am on my Dharma student journey and ask your advice on what to do next.
The last couple of years have been rotten, to be honest. My brother began to decline in his mental capacity; I got involved in organizing his care. My son was affected by cancer (he is well now, thank you), and I have had a couple of health challenges to face.
My anxiety and feelings of overwhelm, of not being good enough, have affected friendships and family relationships, and impacted my health and ability to be present.
However, during this time I really did try to make this task into part of my practice and put it on the path. No matter how tough I found the last couple of years at times, (and it’s been way tougher for my poor brother), I am grateful that I had the opportunity to step up, take on what needed to be done (with a lot of help and support) and get the best possible outcome, all while practicing compassion, loving kindness, and equanimity (with the usual detours off into resentment, anger, attachment, etc., etc.).
Now what?
I have been given a real-life lesson that although I am still healthy and fit, life can change very very quickly. I am now reviewing my future path, sorting my priorities and figuring out what the best direction is. My Dharma path is my priority.
To summarize where I’m currently at: I am still a student at my Dharma center and have a couple of close Dharma friends; I’m going on retreat with one of my lamas soon; I’m doing my Vajrasattva practice – I recall you have always said this was an important practice and I totally get your point now about how a daily purification practice is vital; and I do my sadhanas every day.
What I want to ask you is really a check-in from you: What else might be a good idea to study or add to my practice? What other aspects or factors have I not thought of (“unknown unknowns”)? Any changes, tweaks, swerves that you, as my precious teacher, would advise me on?
Thank you from the bottom of my heart.
Z
ANSWER
Dearest Z,
Reading your words and thinking about where you’re at right now, my only response is that you’re doing perfectly! You’re doing everything right, I promise.
So I totally rejoice! And you should too.
As for this broken record of not being good enough: it’s the very nature of attachment, but the wonderful thing is you’re seeing it, looking it in the eye, and applying the antidotes. The most powerful one, of course, is to see yourself as the deity: that’s your true nature.
AND you’re keeping your commitments with your holy lamas. AND you’re purifying every day. AND you’re helping people.
Wow!
So the question is back to you: is there anything you would like to do? Is there any other place you’d like to be? Anything at all?
Let me know!
Much much love, and much much rejoicing.
Robina
QUESTION
Dear Venerable Robina,
Thank you for your encouraging positive email.
My immediate instinctive response (of course) is: “If I am doing so well, how come I feel so shit/lonely/scared/inadequate?” But you address this directly in your succinct response: to recognize myself as the deity. Which gives me a project to work on, to examine, to make happen. I will have a look at how I can advance this and probably ask for more advice later.
But – oh my goodness – here’s the hard part: deciding what I want to do? For the first time in years, I don’t know. So yes I will have to place my attention on this and make a good job of it. And will keep you posted.
As ever, the process of writing to you has been really helpful. Thank you, my precious teacher.
Best regards,
Z
ANSWER
So, Z, the best way to ensure that you always do what is most beneficial is to aspire to do so: as Lama Zopa Rinpoche says, “Everything exists on the tip of the wish.” That’s not just some nice saying, it’s literal. It means “intention”: I will, I want, may I. It’s the starting point for everything. If you don’t say, “I want an ice cream,” nothing will happen.
So think as His Holiness says: “Always aspire to do what is most beneficial and, if we can, long term better than short term.”
In other words, make “doing what is most beneficial” what you want to do. That thought every day — as often as you like, even in small things — is like fertilizer that causes the karma you created in the past to ripen right now as, indeed, the most beneficial thing to do.
Let that guide you.
And another practice, never forget: rejoice in your virtue, in your practice, in your effort. That’s huge!
Love,
R
QUESTION
Dear precious teacher,
Got it! Yessssss. Okay, that is the guidance I needed. I can do this. Will keep you posted.
Big hugs,
Z