We need to learn to distinguish between the delusions and the virtues in our mind

Jan 1, 2017

QUESTION How do I stop wanting everyone to be a good, nice person?

My life has turned into me simply attempting to avoid emotional pain. Many things that folks tolerate, I walk away from.

It has gotten to the point where if someone is nice to me, I am waiting for “the ball to drop”. Part of this viewpoint is due to personal experience; part me being reasonable and accepting impermanence.

I no longer talk to my parents, my siblings, many friends, and ex partners. I keep my circle extremely small and am largely closed off despite a natural inclination to connect to others. This, of course, causes pain, although I do not feel loneliness.

There are a few phrases/teachings I frequently run through my head such as:

“I will take defeat upon myself,
And give the victory to others.”

I rely on this when I am tempted to advocate for myself when I know another person is controlling the narrative and spreading misinformation. I just “let them win.” I would love to say this solely comes from a lack of attachment to ego, but it is partly due to me “cutting my losses” just so I can escape additional pain. “Believe/Say whatever you want. Just leave me alone.”

Oftentimes, I just want to crawl in a hole and disappear.

How do I stop caring? This is really starting to affect me. Some days I struggle having compassion for others.

You said my problem is that I want others to be good people. It causes me suffering. So how do I stop? Patience? Forgiveness? I have no idea.

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