We need to learn to distinguish between delusions & virtues in our mind

Mar 8, 2019

QUESTION My life has turned into me simply attempting to avoid emotional pain. Many things that folks tolerate, I walk away from.

It has gotten to the point where if someone is nice to me, I am waiting for “the ball to drop”. Part of this viewpoint is due to personal experience; part me being reasonable and accepting impermanence. 

I no longer talk to my parents, my siblings, many friends, and ex partners. I keep my circle extremely small and am largely closed off despite a natural inclination to connect to others. This, of course, causes pain, although I do not feel loneliness.

There are a few phrases/teachings I frequently run through my head such as:

“I will take defeat upon myself,
And give the victory to others.”

I rely on this when I am tempted to advocate for myself when I know another person is controlling the narrative and spreading misinformation. I just “let them win.” I would love to say this solely comes from a lack of attachment to ego, but it is partly due to me “cutting my losses” just so I can escape additional pain. “Believe/Say whatever you want. Just leave me alone.”

Oftentimes, I just want to crawl in a hole and disappear.

How do I stop caring? This is really starting to affect me. Some days I struggle having compassion for others. 

You said my problem is that I want to be seen to be good person. It causes me suffering. So how do I stop? Patience? Forgiveness? I have no idea.

More Q & A

How to decide what’s best?

QUESTION Dear Venerable Robina, I had the pleasure of watching several of your teachings and have, of course, been watching your discussions and Q&As on YouTube. My family have been listening to you and your straightforward manner has put them at ease that I’m not...

Help your father be peaceful, that’s all that matters in his old age

QUESTION Dear Venerable Robina, Hoping this finds you well. I’m having a hard time dealing with something. My mother passed recently. We’ve just discovered that she gambled away all the family money in bad investments. My father is old and refuses to acknowledge this....

We don’t know who anyone is, so don’t judge

  QUESTION Dear Venerable,   I hope that you are well.   I know that sometimes my mind has a tendency to kind of lean toward being distrustful, so I'm working on that.   There has been a couple of times in the last year or so when I have heard a...

I’m struggling to find employment

QUESTION Dear Venerable, I hope you’re doing well. I attended your teachings during your recent visit. The topic on that occasion was “Karma and Afflictions” and this is exactly the reason why I have finally got the courage to contact you. I’m really struggling to...

Share this article