QUESTION Hello, again, Dear Ven. Robina.
I know we spoke about this recently, and I wanted further advice and clarification.
As you know, I’ve had an eating disorder for many years, and now it’s starting to take a real physical and mental toll on me. There’s a bed available in a clinic, which does a 40-day program aimed at regulating eating and confronting the fears around food/control/body stuff.
I know you said what’s the point, as the behavior will probably persist; however, my motivation is now to learn to eat properly, without drama and neurosis, so that I have the strength and capacity to be of benefit to others. Whilst I’m malnourished and obsessing with food, I feel like I’m only living a tiny fraction of my potential.
Would doing this program with the correct motivation be part of the wisdom wing? Putting myself together first? When I spoke to a Dharma friend about it, she said that if I combined it with strong Dharma practice and a huge, far-reaching motivation, it could be beneficial.
What do you think?
Thank you!
VEN ROBINA Any tools we can use to help our body, speech, and minds are good.
I did not say “the behavior will probably persist.” I probably meant the delusions that drive the behavior will persist. When we understand the depths of attachment, which is the actual name of your problem – join the universe! – then we will realize just how primordially deep it is and therefore realize that part of our practice is to learn to live with it for a long time. That’s not pessimism; it’s realism.
This is why the first level of practice is to live in the vows, the decision to control our body and speech. And look how hard that is! Look how often you’ve followed your attachment and drunk alcohol! How can we possibly expect to get rid of these primordially deep levels of attachment if we can’t even harness our behavior?
When we understand this, we’ll be humble with ourselves. We’ll be more reasonable.
So, our lifelong practice is to learn to control the servants of our attachment, our body and speech. In your case it’s obviously the body. And when we can do that, we can go more deeply into our mind and understand attachment and the other delusions.
And then we can really grow into the next level of practice – giving less power to the conceptual stories that underpin the attachment and to start to give more power to the valid parts of ourselves, such as wisdom and contentment and the rest.
So, yes, anything you can do to help you develop new behavior can only be good.
But include in this your vows and your decision to keep them every day, and your purification practice at the end of every day. And your commitment to your Tibetan doctor to take your medicine.
And keep the long view. You’re in this path of inner development for countless lives.
What you are not factoring in in your words is that are already hugely practicing, so please delight in that.
One step at a time.
QUESTION Thank you for the clarification.
My friend has suggested I write out my motivation for going to the clinic and email it to her, and read it every morning when I’m in there. Shall I send you a copy as well?
VEN ROBINA Have you heard my words? Do you understand them?
QUESTION Yes, I hear them, and this is my understanding:
Anything that helps to develop new behavior is good, and then I can see more deeply into the underlying neuroses that drive that behavior once I have some more control over it.
And to include food in my vows, as well as my Tibetan medicine, and purify at the end of the day, and to keep the big view in mind.
VEN ROBINA Good!
QUESTION After thinking more on your words, I have decided not to go the clinic for now. I forget sometimes, as you said, to remember and delight in the progress I’m already making. Keep moving.
Plus I’m very reticent to get involved with the Western psychiatric model again. I know I will rebel and not agree with it. And, I’m getting plenty of work at the moment and don’t want to miss the opportunities.
So, keep practicing, keep moving forward, with the big picture in mind, and take my medicine four times a day.
Does that sound like a sensible plan?
VEN. ROBINA I think that’s very brave and very wise. You have all the tools, and you’re using them. And they will bring long-term benefits.
You have the mental illness – and that’s a perfect translation of the Buddhist term “affliction,” which is the translation of the Sanskrit “klesha” – called attachment, which we all have. And yours specifically is attachment both to the body and to the food. As Lama Yeshe laughed at us one time, “You people are ridiculous! You can’t decide whether you’re more attached to the body or the food!”
Everyone has both these attachments! But in cases like yours, you’re more attached to the body, that’s why you vomit. In one sense, not complicated – although, for all of us, our habits are very ancient and very deep. Most people just live with the misery of being overweight! And ALL of us end up dissatisfied, no matter what we do, as long as we follow attachment.
And don’t look for any secret hidden cause: that’s the Western view. Sure, just as it is for all of us, your mother and father’s behaviors has been a big catalyst in your suffering (and in your happiness). But stay focused on your own mind, and your own past – your karma – not your parents’ past.
And you are doing beautifully. Just keep moving.
That means, as I said, keep your vows purely and take your medicine. And do your practice in the morning and the four opponent powers at night.
That’s it. Not complicated. Use your mental energy to accomplish this.
Remember that you’re in for the long haul.
And relax!
QUESTION Thank you so much for these words. That really hit home when you wrote about what Lama Yeshe said! It’s true that everyone is attached to food; and mine with the extra strong attachment to the body. The Western view tends to pathologize everything, and I take issue with that. Like “those people” are mentally ill, but we’re fine. Like you always say, we’re all mentally ill, just a matter of degree!
I also must remember my good qualities too, and spend time and energy nurturing and growing them, rather than on “fixing my problems.” I see this now.
I’ve got a small job soon, which will be good. Off today to volunteer with the light offerings at the center. And I’ll be with Lama Zopa Rinpoche very soon!
Much love.
VEN ROBINA All good news!