QUESTION
Dear Venerable,
I hope you are very well.
I would like to share my thoughts regarding my continuity as director of our center.
Having no team to share responsibilities is becoming an experience on a personal level a bit heavy. My motivation to run the center is to benefit others knowing that the best way to do so, is to make the Dharma available and also in a more selfish level, create merit to meet with my teachers and understand the teachings. So far it has been a very rewarding experience to help provide the conditions for people to take refuge and many others including children to meet with Rinpoche and many other teachers.
For some time now, before, during and after a visiting teacher comes, I feel very tired. I have talked about this many times with the members of the center, inviting to share some responsibility, take a job inside the center. The only success in this was one couple who agreed to organize one of our retreats.
I don’t like feeling tired like this, so I make the effort not to show this as I never want my family to have a negative view of my job as the director or anything related to the Dharma.
So I am thinking, selfishly, I do not want to continue like this. Should I offer only online classes? Or should I shift my service to Rinpoche in another direction, I do not know yet doing what, but I do know that I always want to offer service in some way to Rinpoche.
I would very much like your advice, Venerable.
With much love and gratitude,
J
ANSWER
Dearest J,
I understand, I really do.
May I ask practical questions first? Is your health fundamentally sound? Do you have underlying problems? If you don’t know, then you must check up. Be certain that your health is good.
If your body is in good condition, then we have to look at the mind. The mind and the body are two separate things! Of course, as Buddhists we know this, we know it so well. But it’s so hard to realize this in daily life.
I think most of the time, in whatever we do, we will get tired — that’s completely natural. Everybody gets tired.
But there are two scenarios. One is — and it’s so common — people who do sports, jogging, anything, they come home exhausted, physically exhausted — far more than ordinary tiredness — but their minds are happy! This is most interesting.
I know people who work 60 hours a week at their own business, let’s say — they’re so motivated. For sure they get tired, but they don’t mind, their minds are happy.
Why? Because, as the lamas tell us, when we know the benefit of doing something, we’ll make “joyful effort,” we’ll have enthusiasm. This is so clear. Of course, they’re talking about enthusiasm for Dharma activity, but we can see from ordinary samsara that it’s clearly true. With sport or jogging or getting fit, or running our own business, we have a goal, we can see the benefit, so we’re enthusiastic. Our tiredness is actually a sign that we’ve worked hard, which means we’re achieving our goal. So we’re happy!
We know this so well.
So why do we feel happy about being tired after some jobs and not others? That’s the question.
The difference is clear. In other words, we’re happy when we’re attached to something. It’s so so clear. I remember staying up all night with the latest boyfriend and going to work next day exhausted — but blissed out!
So, dearest J, what is it with you? What’s preventing you from seeing the massive benefit from what you’re achieving — long term and short term, for yourself and others — and thus learning to be happy when you’re tired? That’s the question.
Perhaps your own words convey your problem: “Directing the study group with no team to share responsibilities” — I think that’s it, don’t you?
I don’t mean you’re unhappy because you have the extra work to do or because you’re tired.
I’m saying that your unhappiness, your frustration, resentful even, is about feeling you’re all alone, no one helping you. This is, of course, attachment not getting what it wants. It sounds so brutal, but we need to do the analysis. Then we can be clear.
Conclusion: I’m suggesting your problem isn’t the tiredness, it’s your mind, your view.
Of course, this is everyone’s problem! Truly.
On the other hand, if you still feel that the workload is too much — and that’s reasonable; it might be — then you need to cut down the activities of the group. But do it with a happy mind! Not resentfully.
Better to do that and keep your mind happy than to drag yourself down with frustration and unsatisfied expectations.
The attitude of the bodhisattvas is that I myself alone will do it! Easy to say, right? So so hard to even think much less do. But we must start somewhere.
In fact, J, you should be blissfully happy. You are doing an amazing job, you really are.
What do you think? I think you should give it some deep thought.
Much love,
Robina
QUESTION
Thank you dear Venerable for your emails.
As for my health, it’s okay.
I have always been happy after the joyful effort of hosting a teacher aside from the tiredness and still feel that way. This heaviness/tiredness is related to having all the responsibility on my shoulders. I took the job happily knowing the benefit for others and myself, knowing as well that with my kindergarten bodhichitta, this was an excellent practice to grow my compassion towards others, so no victimization.
I find that doing all the job by myself for the past year and a half, the responsibility of having to select a teacher, book the teacher, travel expenses, select topics (I feel I am not qualified to determine which programs), promote the events, host and look after teachers, everything related to having classes, is taking a toll on me. And with a mind of attachment, a recipe for disaster!
In your own words: I’m saying that your unhappiness, your frustration, resentful even, is about feeling you’re all alone, no one helping you. This is, of course, attachment not getting what it wants. It sounds so brutal, but we need to do the analysis. Then we can be clear.
Conclusion: I’m suggesting your problem isn’t the tiredness, it’s your mind, your view. Yes, I agree. It’s so hard to see it this way from scratch but reflecting on this, I can see it’s my mind as always.
This is so important Venerable: On the other hand, if you still feel that the workload is too much — and that’s reasonable; it might be — then you need to cut down the activities. But do it with a happy mind! Not resentfully.
Better to do that and keep your mind happy than to drag yourself down with frustration and unsatisfied expectations.
I am so grateful to you for helping me unpack this “heaviness/tiredness” before it becomes resentful and something negative in my mind.
In fact, J, you should be blissfully happy. You are doing an amazing job, you really are. Thank you! It’s all due to your kindness Venerable in planting the seeds in my mind. I know this, and I am happy and I dedicate the merit always.
I will continue reflecting on all of this. Thank you!
With much love and gratitude,
J
ANSWER
Wonderful, J: keep looking, keep moving, keep growing — and never give up! And keep rejoicing; that should be one of the biggest voices in your head. It should conquer all the fears and the worries and the hurts.
Much love,
Robina