Should I continue a relationship with this man?

Aug 14, 2023

 

QUESTION

Dear Venerable Robina,

 

I would like to ask you a question concerning my current relationship, as I feel very confused about what to do as a Buddhist in my situation.

 

I have been with this man for a few months. However, recently I was away for work, a trip planned before I met him. Before the trip I noticed the odd comment here and there, but it didn’t affect our relationship because at the beginning everybody is always on their best behavior. 

 

Communication between us was very good while I was away. However, he lost his job and was told that he would have to move out of his rental. I offered him to stay at mine so he would not be homeless. 

 

Since I am back he is like a changed man. He is cynical and bitter and lashes out at me. I have let it slide and kept quiet because I can see his suffering, it’s huge, but last weekend I invited him on a trip and despite the beautiful environment, he could not see it. He lashed out at me saying that my stupid Buddhist belief is shit, etc. and called me horrible names. I could not have a normal conversation. 

 

I am not sure if I will see him again, I left it up to him to contact me, but I am confused about my role. I can offer my help, but I am almost certain it will fall on deaf ears. I am not sure if it is worth even talking to a stoned person, because he overreacts. His walls go up quickly and then he doesn’t want to even talk.

 

I can also walk away from the relationship. I care about him of course and I don’t want to dump someone only because he has huge problems, but it might be too much for me to handle. Or good for me to practice??? I am not sure what questions to ask myself to come to an answer here. I know I should apply wisdom and compassion, but I find it hard. Maybe you have some ideas.

 

I appreciate your time and very much value your opinion.

 

Thank you kindly,

E

 

ANSWER

Dearest E,

 

Happy to hear from you again.

 

From what you describe I can’t imagine there’s a single benefit from continuing to have this man in your life!

 

If you were imprisoned with him and couldn’t escape, then fine, make it your practice.

 

What do you think?

 

Love

Robina

 

QUESTION

Dear Venerable Robina,

 

Thank you so much for your quick and helpful reply. You are very right. Sometimes I overthink things and it is nice to have it laid out so clearly. 

 

Luckily, I don’t think I will hear from him again, so I won’t have to lead any difficult conversations.

 

Thank you again for your time to answer and your thoughts.

 

Kindly,

E

 

 

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