QUESTION
Dear Venerable Robina,
I am still finding it hard to let go of something my father and brother have done.
Most of the time I learn to live with it, but once my brother starts talking about certain things I get so mad. I don’t say anything because if I did it would be like World War 3.
I find it very unfair my father has passed since l found out about what he did.
I need to let it go but as yet I can’t. Do you think it’s my karma this has happened? How do I learn to move on?
K
ANSWER
Dear K,
Happy to hear from you.
Why don’t you tell me exactly the problem you have. Explain, and then we can discuss.
Love,
Robina
QUESTION
Dear Venerable Robina,
My father died a few years ago, and since then I found out he had gifted my brother a large amount of money in his will.
My brother and I then decided to invest together. We were told that there were fees for the investment. I asked my brother about using the money our father gave him. My brother said, “Oh you’re not in the will.”
We haven’t spoken about the money since that day, and no one has seen the will.
So now whenever we are talking and a friend will say how well we have done, I get so mad inside because my brother kept most of the money.
I understand it’s my attitude that’s making me feel like this and there is nothing I can do till I can change my outlook on it.
K
ANSWER
K, it’s not easy to change our thinking in situations like this.
Every day you have to do your best to control the hurt thoughts, the resentful thoughts, and to try to have positive thoughts instead. It’s a simple idea, but it’s hard.
But I can see that you understand it: and that’s 90 percent of the battle!
So one day at a time, okay! Slowly slowly you’ll see the difference, your mind will change.
Essentially it’s learning to interpret things differently: that’s the essence of it.
What do you think?
Love and courage!
Robina
QUESTION
Dear Venerable Robina,
What do you mean by interpreting things differently?
K
ANSWER
Good question, K.
Let’s say you offer something to someone, a piece of cake, let’s say, and in your heart it’s an action of generosity. But let’s say you do it a bit roughly, and the person interprets your action as rude: “Why did you just shove that cake at me!”
There you go: their interpretation of your action is mistaken.
We are all doing this all the time: based on our attachment, etc., we interpret things a certain way.
It could be the other way around. Let’s say you did in fact shove the cake at the person resentfully — in other words, there was no generosity in your mind — but the person who received decides to interpret your action as good: “I’m sure K meant well!”
So, here you are, your father doesn’t leave you money in the will. You’re interpreting that as not fair, let’s say, and it causes you much pain.
The fact is, your father is dead, you can’t discuss it or change it. So what’s your choice?
Change your interpretation of your father’s action. Decide he must have had a good reason for not giving you money. Perhaps he assumed your brother needed it more. Perhaps he had confidence in your ability to take care of yourself.
Try to think of it this way.
And remember: the simple fact is this is for your own benefit! It’s got nothing to do with your father or brother!
Do you understand?
Love,
Robina
QUESTION
Dear Venerable Robina,
Yes, I can see that would help me. But what about my brother’s action of keeping the money for himself? I would never have kept all the money.
K
ANSWER
Same answer: change your interpretation of his action!
For your own benefit! To cut the pain!
Robina
QUESTION
Dear Venerable Robina,
For some reason I can see that my father thought maybe I could look after myself, but to find an interpretation of my brother’s action is going to be hard because all I see is greed.
But for my own benefit I need to find an interpretation of his action.
Thank you,
K
ANSWER
So hard, K.
And if it is just plain greed, then you change your interpretation from anger to compassion — this greed can only cause him such suffering, now and in the future. That’s a fact!
Robina
QUESTION
Dear Venerable Robina,
Thank you for your words of wisdom. I now think in time I will be able to move on.
K
ANSWER
Well done, dearest K!
This is Dharma practice. And we are the ones who benefit when we change our mind! It’s for our sake! Never forget that.
Love to you,
Robina
QUESTION
Dear Venerable Robina,
Yes, 100 percent. I am learning that if we change our mind and attitude, we will bring peace to ourselves. I just couldn’t get over their actions but by your words of wisdom I am sure I can. Thank you!!
K