QUESTION
Venerable Robina,
I hope you are well and in good health, and able to continue your teachings.
I would like to ask you a question about an inner experience that has been present since my childhood.
Since I was a child, I have been deeply moved — often to the point of tears — whenever I witness an act of kindness, generosity, or genuine compassion. This can happen in many different contexts: a scene on television where someone helps or saves another person, a situation in the street where someone spontaneously helps someone else, or even a simple exchange of looks accompanied by a sincere smile, where a shared sense of humanity is felt. It also happens when I am the one helping someone, even in a very simple way, and I feel the other person’s gratitude or relief.
In these moments, the reaction is immediate and intense. I feel a strong emotion, sometimes accompanied by tears. When I am alone, I allow this emotion to express itself fully and I cry. However, when I am around others, especially in public, I contain the outward expression, even though the emotion remains very present internally.
This is not an aesthetic reaction such as “this is beautiful” or “this touches me.” Rather, there is a strong impression that it does not take much: that it would take very little for beings to be happier, that much of suffering seems linked to mental afflictions, and that fundamentally, people are not truly bad. There is a kind of intuition that something simple, already present, could allow for more harmony.
However, after this initial reaction, a question arises. I wonder whether these tears are truly directed toward others, or whether they might, in a way I do not clearly perceive, be centered on myself. Could I, without realizing it, be “crying for myself,” even though the situation concerns others? I do not clearly see the connection, but the doubt is present: am I mistaken about the true nature of my emotion?
I therefore wonder about the nature of this mental state from a Mahayana Buddhist perspective. Is it a virtuous state, related to compassion, empathetic joy, or a form of bodhichitta, or is it a mental disturbance, even a subtle one?
I also wonder whether there might be a form of attachment — not to a person or to the emotion itself — but to a certain implicit view of the world, where “it would take very little” for things to be different. Does this reaction reflect a form of projection or simplification, even though the intention feels right?
Finally, from a karmic point of view, what might such a sensitivity present since childhood indicate? Could it be a sign of previous familiarity with virtuous states, or simply a current emotional disposition?
I would also like to understand how to transform this sensitivity, which can be quite intense and accompanied by this doubt, into a more stable, lucid, and non-reactive bodhichitta, in accordance with Mahayana teachings.
Thank you very much for your time and guidance.
N
ANSWER
Dear N,
I’m happy to hear from you.
I understand what you’re telling me. Clearly, given that whatever arises in our mind does so because of familiarity in past lives, experiencing things you explain indicates the habit to be empathetic.
A friend of mine is very similar. He’s practicing for years and it still happens spontaneously: his voice will catch, tears will come, and he’ll quickly contain it.
As for your suggestions about this response being related to attachment: it could be that, but you’ll need to find out from knowing your own mind. Until we’re highly realized, attachment will be there to one degree or another, and it can manifest in a multitude of ways. So make sure the empathy doesn’t become sentimental and therefore self-centered.
Meanwhile, rejoice in your own virtue, your capacity to connect with others, and aspire to keep growing it, keep developing empathy, keep developing wisdom, and aspire to eventually have it all manifest in the brave attitude of bodhichitta as stable realization: that is, use this empathy as nourishment to grow your heart hugely, and grow your capacity to help others. Make it active.
All the best,
Robina