QUESTION
Dear Venerable Robina,
In the last 6 months or so, my cushion practice has declined and I have been absorbed in caring duties for my wife, granddaughter, son, and dog. My own health has suffered but I have taken steps to improve this and feel better in recent weeks.
I’ve tried to do my caring responsibilities with mindfulness and compassion. What I cannot switch off is the critical voice in my head that runs in the background that goes on and on about how poor my practice is.
I’ve become aware of feeling critical of others and having quite a judgy mind… I’ve snapped at a family member who in truth, would indeed test the patience of a saint. But I’ve always been able to hold my tongue before.
I feel shame and discouragement. I feel so down on myself, and then naturally, feel bad about that. I know it’s not the right attitude for practice in daily life but I am having difficulty shaking myself out of it.
I have been able to do little sessions of Dorje Sempa – I felt instinctively that was a practice to try and do.
But truthfully I’m a bit lost, tired, and teary at what feels like a poor show from me.
I am grateful for any guidance you feel is necessary.
With all warm wishes and love to you,
B
ANSWER
Yes, B, we love to criticize ourselves for being less than perfect! Such an old habit.
So we have to practice rejoicing instead. The fact is, you’re seeing your mind, you’re understanding yourself, and that’s huge. In other words, you are actually practicing.
So literally say the positive words to yourself: you must! I am rejoicing in your efforts, for sure!
For sure, Dorje Sempa is very powerful, so use that.
What do you think?
Love to you, and much courage!
Robina
QUESTION
Dear Venerable Robina,
You are of course, quite right! I’ve sat with your words today, letting them settle on me, and they’ve made me smile. I can see I’ve taken my thoughts so seriously and as my teacher used to tell us, “Stop making it so solid.” So helpful to see it as a habit.
It’s encouraging what you say, the fact that seeing my mind and trying to understand myself is practice.
You mention courage? My teacher advised me, in a personal interview, to have more courage and I struggle to know what he meant, and indeed, what you meant? And how and where to apply courage?
I’d so appreciate some guidance on how I become more courageous. And what is meant by courage?
With much love and appreciation to you,
B
ANSWER
B, dear one: just keep going, one step at a time. That’s key. We’re a work in progress. We mightn’t see the progress, but it’s logical.
As for courage? It’s very courageous to simply see our mind! To label what’s there, own it, and know if it’s the neurotic bits that they’re not at the core of our being. And it’s courageous to look the problems in the eye – the moment we do that, they dissipate.
And to rejoice: ironically, that takes courage. The default is to run towards the negative.
Much love!
Robina
QUESTION
Dear Venerable Robina,
That response is so helpful, clarifying, and encouraging.
I feel I get what you are saying. I’ve been feeling it brewing and simmering in my practice and daily life since I received your email. Daily life especially is rich with plenty of opportunity to practice such advice!
Thank you so much for your time and responses – I so appreciate it.
Much love to you,
B