QUESTION
Dear Robina,
For a long time I have wanted to contact you. Recently I read your blog, “We can become our own person.”
At the moment I am suffering from this “mental disease” you described there. At night I cannot sleep very well. When I wake up there is this underlying thread of loneliness, like you described. I feel there is nobody who validates my thoughts, my life etc. so life seems more and more senseless to me. I feel like I have lost my direction.
I don’t know how and what to practice anymore. For ages I was meditating every day with great interest and motivation, it was part of my life. Now I avoid encountering myself in meditation.
I would like to find a way back to my practice and out of this apparent senselessness. I turn to you because once in your course at Kopan Monastery you said I could contact you. Would you please help me? I would like to be connected to you.
Thank you, Robina
Sincerely,
N
ANSWER
I am happy to hear from you, dearest N!
Thank you for telling me what’s going on inside you these days.
I think this happens. We go along nicely, with enthusiasm, and then we lose the joy. There are various approaches to this.
The key thing is to remember that our mind is incredibly flexible. And that means our thoughts. But the negative, hopeless thoughts dominate, we completely forget this, and then the worst thing, we believe they’re true!
One approach: Remember that Buddha is actually a cognitive therapist: by changing our thoughts, our interpretations, we change our lives. So try not to believe the view that you are no good because there is no one there to validate you. Sure, the feelings are real; you have them. But they’re not an accurate assessment of you. So argue with these views; write a new script; program your mind with new, positive, self-respectful thoughts. For sure, we don’t believe them immediately, but persevere. This is very logical! It takes time to learn new things, always starting with the thoughts.
Another approach: Allow the thoughts to come and go. Don’t get involved in them, don’t buy into them. Step back and just watch. It’s really helpful. Normally we just drown in all the thoughts.
And finally, understand that actually this is, as Lama Zopa Rinpoche puts in, “the dirt coming out.” I always use the analogy of going to the gym — the pain we feel when we get home is actually a good sign, a sign of progress. Same here.
Well, you’ve been in the mental gym for years! Practicing so hard. Feeling the pain shouldn’t be there just makes it even more miserable. Try to reinterpret it as a sign of progress.
All these techniques work, N. They take time, that’s all. We need to be patient and humble with ourselves.
And we need to rejoice in our efforts, in our hard work!
You are actually doing well! You’re helping people in your work every day, which is amazing.
Do you do practices like Tara? Or say mantras? Let me know.
Much love to you, and courage!
Robina
QUESTION
Dear Robina
I was/I am so happy and thankful to read your words, they touched my heart and gave me courage. I understand well what you say. I have started to put it into practice.
I began to do the Green Tara practice. I have a little booklet from Kopan about how to practice it. When practicing like this I feel a kind of connection. I never felt this before.
You asked me about saying mantras. Mostly I say the Tara mantra and the om mani padme hum, and sometimes the Medicine Buddha mantra and practice and the Vajrasattva mantra and practice.
Dear Robina, thank you so much. To hear from you means a lot to me.
My best wishes for you,
N
ANSWER
So glad to hear this, N!
Those practices are excellent. Yes, connect with Tara; she lifts us, gives us courage. Identify with that energy, see it as your own potential.
Go steadily, one step at a time. Take a long-term approach. There will be ups and downs – it’s all part of the journey!
Stay in touch, for sure. I would like that.
Much love to you,
Robina