How to help my friend who hates himself?

Oct 11, 2021

 

QUESTION

Dearest Venerable Robina,

 

I hope this email finds you well.

 

I am wondering if you can share me some advice on how to help a close friend of mine who suffers from self-hate. He tried to kill himself three times in his life and the latest was last week. I keep reminding him of his good qualities. I ask him if he wants to listen to Dharma with me but he doesn’t want it. 

 

And if possible could you pray for him? 

 

Thank you so very much and wishing you a wonderful day.

 

Much love,

N

 

 

ANSWER

Dearest N, 

 

For sure I will say special prayers for your dear friend!

 

All you can do is what you’re doing — loving him, being kind, supporting him. That’s the most precious gift. One day he might respond.

 

And, of course, encourage him to find good psychological help, too. But really be there for him. Having even one person who loves us can be so powerful!

 

Much love to you,

Robina

 

ANSWER

Dearest Venerable Robina,

 

Thank you so very much for your prayers. I am truly grateful.

 

And how can I protect my mind so I don’t get into too much sadness or feeling hopeless in helping him, as my attachment only wants to see nice thing/him being happy?

 

I do hope I would be able to get him listen to your teaching via Zoom one day soon, and hopefully I’ll be able to introduce him to you. 

 

He bought a mala because he saw me wearing one and I told him to recite om mani padme hum when he feels very depressed, which he did it. How wonderful! 

 

Wishing you a wonderful day in Santa Fe!

 

Much love to you,

N

 

ANSWER

Just be brave, don’t get all involved in his drama, N. 

 

In other words, show your love and support, show your kindness. But don’t let your attachment get in the way — that’ll make it messy! Then you will get angry or upset when he doesn’t change, or you’ll have all these expectations about his changing.

 

Stay steady. Be kind, but know it’s his problem. 

 

So glad he bought a mala and is saying the mantra! Let’s hope he receives some blessings for his mind!

 

Much love,

Robina

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