QUESTION
Beloved Ven. Robina,
I hope you are well.
I’m reaching out with deep gratitude for your guidance. You have been my refuge teacher, inspiration, and guide on this path, and to be honest, I’m feeling a bit out of my depth right now.
A longtime colleague of mine and close friend for years has killed himself.
I am now navigating this deeply personal grief while also organizing a remembrance gathering for community.
So my reason for reaching out is twofold:
Are there any teachings or practices I might turn to for support in processing this loss?
Are there any prayers or rituals that could be meaningful to share with my community and with those seeking guidance?
Thank you so much for your time and care. I already receive so much from you, and I’m beyond grateful for all that you share.
With love and gratitude always,
A
ANSWER
Dearest A,
I’m so so sad to hear about your beloved friend. Right now I’m saying special prayers for him.
One thing you can do is ask our monastery in Kathmandu to have Medicine Buddha prayers done. This is typical in the Tibetan Buddhist tradition: all the gathered energy of the monks and nuns all praying for him to receive a good rebirth and to continue on his spiritual path.
You can do that by going online at kopanmonastery.org — the dollars requested for the puja are an offering to each of the monks and nuns doing the prayers.
Another thing you can do at some point during your ceremony is lead a short guided practice of Medicine Buddha.
Simply: get everyone to imagine the Medicine Buddha in the sky in front, made of blue light, and imagine him sending radiant beams of blue light that pour into your friend, blessing him, healing him, purifying him.
Once you’ve set up this visualization, then you can sing the mantra a few times, or listen to the mantra being sung by Lama Zopa Rinpoche while you continue to visualize: Tayata om bekandze bekandze maha bekandze bekandze randza samungate svaha.
You can then add other people too, anyone who’s sick or suffering.
Then at the end imagine that the Medicine Buddha comes to sit above your friend’s head, and everyone else’s, including yourself, filling everyone with his enlightened energy.
Much love, A,
Robina
QUESTION
Dear Venerable Robina,
Thank you so much for your compassionate message.
I’ve incorporated the mantra into my morning practice and am becoming more familiar with the visualization.
Although I have experienced loss before, my friend’s suicide feels especially difficult to hold and heal with. If there is a text or book you would recommend that might offer some guidance, I would be deeply grateful.
With deep gratitude and love,
A
ANSWER
Dearest A:
The first thing to think about is the reality of impermanence. We have this deep assumption that somehow things shouldn’t change: this is the reason we’re shocked.
And then of course think about karma, if that makes sense to you. We bring so much with us from past lives, so many countless seeds, imprints, habits. We’re driven by all this, even though we’re not aware. This is why practice is so crucial, especially purification.
And have compassion: have such compassion for your friend — and the many millions of humans who despair when things seem to go wrong, who simply don’t know about impermanence and don’t know that they can change their minds, that there is always possibility, that there is light at the end of the tunnel.
And then determine to keep practicing: working on your own mind, developing your own potential, and helping others. This is the key thing: learn from it, and determine to keep moving, keep practicing, keep benefiting to the best of our ability.
Much love to you,
Robina