G followed closely the various instructions of Lama Zopa Rinpoche in the book, How to Face Death Without Fear
QUESTION
Dear Lama Robina,
Thank you for all of your kind and precious help and guidance.
Mum’s doctor has advised that Mum will probably die within two days now. We’ve been allowed in despite lockdown and Mum’s doctor has arranged a pain-killer pump to slowly inject into Mum’s stomach and Mum seems externally to be reasonably comfortable.
I’ve been able to place the earphones into Mum’s ears with Rinpoche chanting Medicine Buddha mantras on loop and fairly loud. I’ve placed a small Namgyalma mantra decal on Mum’s chest, have briefly put the Liberation Box Stupa and Phowa pill on Mum’s crown and left a Tsa-tsa near Mum’s crown, as it is able to sit there. I’ve just sent an email to Kopan to update in case it’s relevant for Geshe-la’s observation.
I’ve tried to assess and my best guess is that Mum is around the third stage of dying but I’m not sure. Mum’s room is peaceful now with just my eldest sister and myself doing a sort of overnight vigil. I’ll keep trying to think of appropriate things for Mum that won’t raise the ire of anybody. All four siblings have put our pettiness to the side so far but I’m also being cautious to avoid anything that will create a scene this time.
With deepest respect,
G
ANSWER
Perfect, G. Your dear mother, so fortunate.
But I don’t think the mantra needs to be loud in your mother’s ear. Even if she’s unconscious her subtle mind can cognize it.
Love and many prayers,
Robina
QUESTION
Dear Lama Robina,
Thanks very much, I’ve turned the volume down now. It also occurred to me to place the Liberation Box blessing string and a Namgyalma Protection Amulet on Mum’s upper torso also just inside Mum’s jammies on the opposite side of the decal.
I’m on my own now with just the kind young workers coming in to check on Mum and the pump. I’ll stay in case Mum passes tonight and can pull at the hair on Mum’s crown if the time seems right.
A brief check seems Mum’s forehead and feet are the same temperatures so it seems the heat isn’t moving from either direction yet, Mum’s eyes haven’t fully closed for hours now and Mum’s in-breath is shorter than her out-breath, which is why I roughly guess Mum is around the third stage. And Mum’s top lip is still moist, which makes me think stage four hasn’t started yet. But my assessment could be incorrect too.
Thank you for your kind and precious work and editing Rinpoche’s book about death that allows me to try these things to help where possible.
With my utmost respect and gratitude,
G
ANSWER
Good, G.
First of all, if she stops breathing when you’re there, take as much time as you can. Even discuss with the people there — say you need as long as you can before the body is moved. This is important.
Then when they have to take the body, that is when you will tug at her crown, not before.
And, of course, during the time you’re with her after she’s stopped breathing, you say the various prayers or mantras.
You’re doing beautifully!
Love,
Robina
QUESTION
Thank you Lama Robina,
May I ask if I can just leave the earphones in Mum’s ears after she stops breathing? I don’t mind probably not getting the USB player back and it’s potentially good for 20 hours or so. I would ask the people if it can ride with Mum when they take her.
Respectfully yours,
G
ANSWER
Of course, this is excellent.
How long do you think they will allow you to sit with your mother before moving her?
QUESTION
I’m not sure Lama Robina.
But I’ll do my best to try for as much time as possible.
It’s 3 am and Mum’s breathing has recently become quite shallow so if Mum stops breathing between now and morning hopefully they won’t need to move Mum till later in the day.
Ten minutes later: Mum has stopped breathing now so I’ll go see the young workers but I’ll take my time.
I’ll try to arrange time here and plead with my siblings not to disturb Mum or the environment when they arrive, or as best as they can.
Now a nice young bloke nurse has come. He has checked Mum’s vital signs as required and removed the pump and was empathetic and happy to do it as gently and quietly as possible.
He could only guess and said it probably can’t be all day so we’ll see what unfolds. But I will stay with Mum and try to get as much time as possible, at least encourage quiet but won’t create angst.
I’ve messaged siblings and pleaded for quiet and no touching. So we’ll see.
Thank you once again for all of your precious help including more detailed guidance tonight.
Respectfully yours,
G
ANSWER
Good, G. I am praying too.
QUESTION
Dear Lama Robina,
Thank you, thank you, thank you Lama Robina, for everything,
Mum was taken by the Funeral Directors around 6.25am and I pulled quite forcefully at Mum’s hair at her crown just before they came in, which was really only after about three and a quarter hours after Mum stopped breathing.
The aged care center had requested to ring them reasonably straight away, so it wasn’t as long as I’d hoped but the environment was peaceful. I left the room for two of my siblings to have time with Mum, and they said they didn’t touch her or disturb her.
I had felt over Mum’s heart just before the young and strong funeral guys came in and it seemed still warm but the covers had been pulled up all along so maybe that had trapped heat but possibly not too.
To the credit of the young guys they were gentle and quiet as possible on request. They are taking Mum to the funeral home and will put Mum into a fridge. The young guys said ok for the USB and earphones to ride with Mum as well as in the fridge and the three Holy objects will stay in place until Mum comes out of the fridge, probably Monday but they couldn’t guarantee that.
I hope to arrange getting the larger Holy Objects from the Liberation Box onto Mum’s body before cremation. I can have some ashes for hopefully consecration by Geshe-la and being placed into a Stupa in the Garden of Enlightenment at Chenrezig Institute.
Thank you for all of your help, guidance and teachings over time and last night, steering me to help Mum in this way and in any positivity I’m ever able to muster.
Respectfully yours,
G
ANSWER
Good, G, you did everything you possibly could. Those mantra in your dear mother’s ear are the most precious gift; it’ll attract her mind to the holy beings! How amazing.
And you took such good care of her during her years of sickness: so special.
Many prayers for you and for your most dear mother.
Robina