Don’t deny what’s in our mind

Jul 18, 2022

QUESTION

 

Dearest Venerable Robina,

 

I hope it’s fine contacting you again this way, asking for advice.

 

My problem is myself, I guess. What a surprise!

 

I got hurt, I am sad and I get angry, but I cover it up. Someone told me that it’s good to let anger come up to transform it. But it seems I am afraid to let my emotions show up. I am afraid of my anger, to blame anybody (besides me). If someone bothers me I keep smiling and talk nicely and everything is fine. But I see it looks like I don’t respect myself and somehow sacrifice myself.

 

I changed my aspiration months ago in “May I not harm anybody, including myself.”

 

How can I not cover up ego without feeding it? Might anger be the root of sadness? 

 

I see sometimes the power of anger’s destruction and I really don’t want to put more oil in the fire.

 

But perhaps then I finally realize my own suffering and the suffering of everybody else?

 

Much love, Venerable Robina

R

 

ANSWER

Dear R,

 

The main thing is to not be afraid of what’s in your mind! We need to know what’s there. If you’re trying to heal your body, let’s say, you need to know every tiny thing that is wrong exactly, examine it, understand it — trying to cover it up won’t help.

 

Same with our mind. So see what’s there, understand how it causes you suffering, be brave! 

 

As you know, the Buddhist approach is that attachment is at the root of anger: this constant emotional hunger to always get what we want, and the second we don’t, anger arises: it’s so immediate. It can also be very subtle. 

 

We need to hear it, hear what it’s saying, its story. But we also need to not buy into the story, to what it’s saying, because it’s exaggerating. One of the key functions of all the delusions is that they exaggerate, distort, they’re not accurate. 

 

So, yes, you must give yourself attention! You must look deeply at your mind. Own what’s there, distinguish between the optimistic self-respectful thoughts and the neurotic self-destructive ones. 

 

You are the beneficiary of this process – and so are others in your life. 

 

Keep moving, dearest R! Don’t be afraid! Go slowly, one step at a time. It’s a constant learning process.

 

You’re doing well, so rejoice in your progress please. I rejoice for you, for sure!

 

Much love,

Robina

 

QUESTION

Dear Venerable Robina,

 

Thank you – again!

 

Like the last time somehow I can really hear and understand your words, when I thought I am deaf and blocked.

 

Thank you from the bottom of my heart! It’s a blessing to have you there!

 

Much Love for you

R

 

ANSWER

 

Well done, dearest one!

 

 

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