Decide to do whatever’s most beneficial: even the tough choices

Dec 28, 2020

 

QUESTION

Dear Robina,

 

I am very sad tonight. I know all of the lessons about attachment but feel so overwhelmed.

 

Then, today, my daughter called and said that she is moving away. My kids and grandkids are my life. I can’t imagine living so far from them. 

 

I need to work a few more years to payoff my student loans before I can retire. 

 

I am not happy in the relationship I am in but my kids and grandkids are so tied to my spouse that I can’t hurt them by leaving.

 

I am sad, depressed, and feel like giving up.

 

I am exhausted! I have been a parent since age 16. I have been working since age 12.

 

I know all the lessons about attachment but my heart feels like it is breaking into a thousand pieces right now.

 

F

 

ANSWER

Dearest F, 

 

I am so very sorry to hear all the sad news. I can imagine how you feel, I really can. You are being so brave.

 

But let me ask you a question. Why should your leaving your spouse mean that your kids and grandkids won’t have contact wiht him? It’s so common these days for partners to separate, the world is very familiar with it. And so many people do it in a very friendly way. Why can’t you?

 

Really think about what you think is best. Don’t be afraid to really look at everything, question everything. 

 

I’m not saying you should leave your spouse, I’m saying to really question your assumption that it would hurt others. 

 

Let me know your thoughts.

 

Much love,

Robina

 

QUESTION

Dear Robina,

 

Thank you for your thoughts. After I emailed you last night I remembered that you were having your teaching on Zoom. I was able to get on and your words helped so much.

 

In regard to my question about my spouse. When I really consider leaving I think it is more about what people will think about me for leaving. Then I remember your teachings about our attachment to what other people think and it helps me. I will be retiring from work in the next few years so I want to come to some decision.

 

1. Am I just dissatisfied, when I could actually be like the story of your friend who had an alcoholic husband but chose to stay and be happy, or, 2. Is life too short to not enjoy my years as I get older doing the things I love to do but that my spouse doesn’t?

 

I will continue my practice as things seem to become clearer when I practice daily. 

 

Thank you again for your kind thoughts, 

F

 

ANSWER

You’re doing beautifully, F. Be brave. And aspire to do what is most beneficial, and that will guide you to do the right thing when the time comes, I promise. And that includes the tough choices!

 

Much love, 

Robina

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